I’m sorry for not being the Mummy that I dreamt that I would be for you. I never imagined that motherhood would bring me so much pain. I struggle everyday to be the best Mummy I can be for you. To be a Mummy to children in both heaven and earth is a struggle every single day.
It took me a long time to accept therapy after losing Poppy. Two years after losing Poppy I hit a really bad place. At this point I needed to ask for help and my GP and Bereavement Midwife were incredible. My Bereavement Midwife was so relieved that I finally asked for the therapy sessions. She refereed me straight away for Psychotherapy.
I will sit with you in the darkness as I never want anyone to be alone. Baby Loss can bring so many complex emotions. No one should ever feel alone, isolated or scared by themselves. Finding the support you need is so important.
Losing your baby is hard. Beyond hard. Every families journey is different and some get answers whilst others have no answers at all. I’m not sure which is easier though? Not that any part of baby loss is easy. Being given an answer as to why our babies couldn’t stay with us or when there is no reason at all.
I don’t usually share photos of my family. Below you will find a photo of myself and my family where we are happy and smiling on holiday. I felt I needed to share the story behind my family photo to show how important it is that images we see can reflect the wrong story. You’ll often find that the reality is very different to what the eye can see.
In this post you will find 12 grief quotes written by others. Many of the words in these quotes I have been able to relate to and it makes me realise I am not the only one with these thoughts and feelings. I feel so grateful to others for sharing. This is something which I promised myself that I would do when I was in the delivery room with Poppy. Deep down I never wanted anyone to feel that they were alone whilst facing the raw reality of losing their baby.
Christmas without you is hard. A constant array of emotions are fighting internally as everyone around you is celebrating. Christmas is a time for family. So when a part of you is in heaven you’re forever torn between here and there.
When I first started writing about Poppy and our journey, I promised myself that I would be honest and open. Speaking from the heart can be incredibly hard especially when talking about our experience of TFMR (Termination for medical reasons). At the beginning of our journey I was desperately seeking people who would be honest with me. At the time we were beyond scared and devastated. We were facing decisions no parent should ever have to face.
Baby loss awareness month and week are incredibly important in raising awareness of our world. We live this every single day not just a month or a week. It’s our time to share a little of what our loss is like. No one can understand what we have been through and what we go through each day. Unless sadly you have walked in our shoes. Through this post I would like to show a glimpse into a few of our feelings.