A year ago today we said our hardest ever goodbye. We laid our beautiful Poppy to rest. A parent should never ever have to bury their child. It was one of the toughest days of our lives yet Poppy’s service was beautiful and perfect for our little angel.
How we got through this day I will never know. We had each other but we also had the love and support of those closest and dearest to us. Every person who was there as part of Poppy’s goodbye will forever hold a special place in my heart. They stood by us as we broke our hearts. As we gave our precious girl the only occasion we could for her.
I can remember looking around at one point in the service taking in who was there. Taking in those who loved and cared for us deeply enough to be part of a day that some couldn’t even face. Every single person there put their own emotions, lives, responsibilities aside to stand strong for myself, Rob and our children as our world fell into complete darkness. They held us up that day so we could say goodbye to our little girl. To give her a day that reflected how much love she had brought upon us.
I sometimes wonder how I got into the church or to be truthfully honest out of bed that day. As we pulled up to the church where we were married and our children christened and sat and waited as we were slightly early the panic and anxiety swept through me.
Poppy laid between me and our eldest daughter and Rob was behind. I didn’t want to leave her, I wanted to keep her with me forever. I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. The elephant on my chest returned at full force. Rob calmed me as only he knows how to do. Even amongst his own pain and grief he still managed to reassure and protect me.
I think one of the moments that will forever stay with me is watching Rob hold and carry Poppy that day. He held her close with every ounce of his love for her but I know how incredibly hard this was for him. Every Daddy should get a chance to walk his daughter down the aisle but no Daddy should have to carry their’s to say goodbye. He also carried her to her final resting place making sure he was with her every single step of the way.
There is so much I could write about Poppy’s day yet the raw emotion of her special day is hard to share. And incredibly personal that only Rob and I will ever share. This day was one I never imagined would be part of our lives. No parent should be where we have been or still are today. That pure, raw love and emotion that is bigger than I can ever comprehend or put into words of this day will stay a part of Rob and I for eternity.
If you need additional support:
Arc – Antenatal results and choices.
Petals – The Baby Loss Counselling Charity.
Tommy’s – Baby Charity – Together, for every baby.
Sands – Stillbirth and neonatal death charity.
All content is my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experience from my own journey of baby loss. This post may contain affiliate links, please see the Copyright and Disclosures page for more information.