To my midwives, thank you will never be enough…..
To Sarah the midwife who took care of us after our 20 week scan when concerns were first picked up. Thank you for sitting with us as I cried, for sorting our hospital appointment at UCH so fast, for ringing to check we were OK and to get updates from our visits to London, for talking me through what I needed to do the day before our induction.
To Debbie our midwife at UCH. Thank you for holding our hands, for making sense of what we were being told by doctors as the floor fell from our world, for ensuring we were not sat in the waiting room with the other pregnant ladies any longer than we needed to be, for knowing our decision before we did and putting things in place to minimise our wait and distress, for ensuring you were there with us when we returned to UCH for the procedure, for calming me down and reassuring me after seeing that word abortion on the consent forms, for cuddling Rob as I lay numb and in shock on the bed as the procedure to stop Poppy’s heartbeat was over, for just sitting with us and quietly talking to us whilst we waited to go back in to confirm Poppy had left us, for cuddling us as we left having gone through the worst, most painful moment of our lives.
To all the midwives at Broomfield hospital. Thank you for caring for us with dignity and respect, for not judging us, for reading our notes and knowing everything about us before entering our room, for holding our hands, for cuddling us, for crying with us, for treating our beautiful girl with kindness and grace, for helping us to make memories, for providing a beautiful Poppy sized crib and cuddle cot so Poppy could stay with us for as long as we needed, for providing clothes that fit our beautiful girl, for taking care of Rob just as well as you took care of me.
To our midwife Louise. Thank you for choosing to look after us as our story was so close to your heart, for your reassurance, for telling us your personal journey of baby loss, for understanding my complete fear and panic of the pain of labour and birth as I was in so much pain emotionally, for making us smile even through the fear and heartbreak, for knowing exactly what I needed before I knew myself, for cuddling Rob when I couldn’t, for bringing our beautiful girl into the world, for coming with us to see Poppy at the mortuary, for giving Poppy a special kiss as tears rolled down your cheeks, for caring for Poppy, for crying with us as we said goodbye, for being by our side at Poppy’s funeral.
To our midwife the other Louise. Thank you for making sure I was OK before walking through labour ward on our arrival, for saying well done for doing this, for sitting and chatting with us, for your love and reassurance, for holding my hand when I needed it, for stopping me from panicking when my canula bled out, for coming in and just sitting and talking to me when you knew Rob had left the room to gain his own head space, for phoning the day after Poppy was born just to make sure we were OK.
To our midwife the night time Louise. Thank you for being there through the night, for having difficulty in finding the words to talk to us about funeral and funeral director decisions, for staying with us as Poppy was blessed and anointed and crying yourself, for finding a bed for Rob so he could sleep and be close to me, for just holding our hands.
To Our midwife Louisa who cared for us the day following Poppy’s birth so we could spend precious time with her. Thank you for caring for Poppy as you would any other baby and admiring how beautiful she was, for reassuring me when all I wanted to do was warm Poppy up, for sitting with us as we spoke to the consultant about a post mortem and signing those awful forms, for taking the time to do Poppy’s hand and footprints so they were perfect, for helping me hold Poppy’s dress back so I could hold her to do her hand and foot casts, for making sure Poppy’s dress was clean after having her casts done, for taking Poppy into the office with you so she wasn’t on her own when we heartbreakingly left the hospital (for this I will forever be in your debt), for walking us out of the hospital and reassuring us she would stay and look after Poppy.
Finally to our bereavement midwife Tabitha who has cared for us and our children since Poppy was born. Thank you for always having the right words, for coming to our home the first time you met us so we were in our safe place, for making Labour ward a safe place again not full of bad memories by allowing me to spend time there, for allowing me to spend time in the room where Poppy was born by myself so I could feel close to her and face my grief head on, for ensuring that every person that cared for Poppy whilst she was being looked after at Broomfield and Addenbrooks cared for her as only a parent would, for always only being a message or a phone call away, for helping me to manage my guilt, for helping me to support my other children’s grief, for giving my children their own memory boxes and Kolby bears, for just everything.
These amazing, incredible women have stood by and supported us every step of the way and two in particular still do today. These women aren’t just midwives, each and everyone has gone above and beyond their duties. There will never be enough words, and thank you just doesn’t seem enough. But thank you from the very bottom of our hearts for being there as our world crumbled around us. Thank you for being our angels on earth as our beautiful girl grew her wings.
If you need additional support:
Arc – Antenatal results and choices.
Petals – The Baby Loss Counselling Charity.
Tommy’s – Baby Charity – Together, for every baby.
Sands – Stillbirth and neonatal death charity.
All content is my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experience from my own journey of baby loss. This post may contain affiliate links, please see the Copyright and Disclosures page for more information.