Speaking from the Heart – TFMR

When I first started writing about Poppy and our journey, I promised myself that I would be honest and open. Speaking from the heart can be incredibly hard especially when talking about our experience of TFMR (Termination for medical reasons). At the beginning of our journey I was desperately seeking people who would be honest with me. At the time we were beyond scared and devastated. We were facing decisions no parent should ever have to face.

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Elephant on my chest

Elephant on my chest. This is the only way I can describe how my emotional pain became physical. I felt as though my chest was being crushed and I was fighting for breath. It felt as though an elephant was sitting on my chest.

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Making Memories

Making memories was something that never occurred to me when going into hospital to give birth to Poppy. The day before our induction day Rob and I went shopping for a blanket and teddy for Poppy. We got two so Poppy could have one set and us the other. On the morning my induction began one of the midwives said to us that we would have plenty of opportunities to make memories. At the time I didn’t really know what she meant and didn’t think much more about it. My mind was racing with the unknown of Poppy’s induction and I wasn’t really taking much on board.

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Compassionate Induction

Compassionate Induction. Two words which my bereavement midwife gave to me. Two words which have brought me a little comfort. What my Bereavement Midwife means by Compassionate Induction is bringing a pregnancy to an end when you have no choice. The only way to save your baby is to let your baby go. We really had no choice. Our precious baby had too many brain abnormalities. We had scans externally and internally by a fetal medicine doctor who had never before seen the abnormalities Poppy had. An MRI was performed to confirm the scan results. We had meetings with consultants, doctors and midwives. We also had a neo natal team for our case. Our baby was beyond poorly.

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Losing Poppy

Losing Poppy is the hardest, most heart shattering experience we have been through. No parent should have to say goodbye to their baby. No parent should have to face the decisions we have had to make. Our journey should just not happen.

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