Compassionate Induction. Two words which my bereavement midwife gave to me. Two words which have brought me a little comfort. What my Bereavement Midwife means by Compassionate Induction is bringing a pregnancy to an end when you have no choice. The only way to save your baby is to let your baby go. We really had no choice. Our precious baby had too many brain abnormalities. We had scans externally and internally by a fetal medicine doctor who had never before seen the abnormalities Poppy had. An MRI was performed to confirm the scan results. We had meetings with consultants, doctors and midwives. We also had a neo natal team for our case. Our baby was beyond poorly.
too poorly for this world…
We were told told this is as bad as it gets. That the 24 week cut off just doesn’t count in our situation. When you are told this you just know that there is not a choice. We received no pressure in any way from our medical team. It was made very clear to us that we would be supported 100% either way. But if we did decide to continue with our pregnancy we would be closely monitored. The option would always be there to allow us to end our pregnancy at any point. This speaks volumes to the extent of Poppy’s abnormalities.
a decision not a choice…
This was and always will be the toughest and hardest decision of our lives. It goes against everything I believe in. Somehow we found the strength to do what was right for Poppy. As parents you have to put aside your own feelings and needs to do what is right for your children. This is where the statement Compassionate Induction comes in. We were giving Poppy compassion and dignity. We were allowing her to slip away without any pain or suffering.
Poppy was at a stage in my pregnancy where she could be born alive. This meant that I had to have a procedure to stop her heart beating. This would allow her to just fall asleep without any pain. This would ensure that if she was born alive the midwives and doctors would not have to intervene and cause her distress. We had to go to UCH in London as only a specialist in a Fetal Medicine department can perform this procedure. Poppy’s heart was injected through my stomach to stop it from beating. It is something which they don’t just allow anyone to do. This day and the indescribable emotional pain will haunt me forever.
After the procedure I was given a tablet called Mifepristone to prepare my body for labour. Two days after I was admitted to my local hospital, Broomfield, to be induced. My labour was the worst out of all my pregnancies. I was hurting so much emotionally I just couldn’t find that place to deal with the pain of labour.
Meeting our beautiful girl…
At 7.14pm on Saturday 20th October 2018 our beautiful baby girl Poppy Rose came into the world. With her Poppy brought so much love. The time we got to spend with her was beautiful. We had her blessed and anointed. I was able to dress her. We had hand and foot prints done. Casts made of her beautiful hands and feet. Photos were taken to treasure forever. And most importantly we cuddled her. We spent the time taking in every single part of her. Her beautiful fair eye lashes, her little button nose, her long legs and big feet! These will be etched on our minds forever.
Please join Poppy’s journey on social media:
If you need additional support:
Arc – Antenatal results and choices.
Petals – The Baby Loss Counselling Charity.
Tommy’s – Baby Charity – Together, for every baby.
Sands – Stillbirth and neonatal death charity.
All content is my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experience from my own journey of baby loss. This post may contain affiliate links, please see the Copyright and Disclosures page for more information.